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Another day on anxiety avenue

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So day 2 of my diary! Yep, I made it back. This is a good thing because like I mentioned before I have no will power and usually dont stick with anything. Today was an ok day. It started rough. I dont sleep well so I am not a happy camper when I get up in the morning. Today was my day off so the phone was off, the alarm was off. I got up around 10 to see missed calls and messages. I own a second hand store and the man who was supposed to deliver some things today was calling me. We set up a time and then it started raining. Now there is alot more to that part of my day but I wont bore you with it. Lets just say I was annoyed. First thing when I wake up, still not smoking, headache already. Well, I had to take half of a xanax to get moving. I actually got alot done today even with the rain.

 

I have taken a total of 1 1/2 xanax today. I take .5 but I break them in half each time I take one. I am still haveing those horrible head twitches with the split second of dizzyness. Now this new symptom doesnt start right away when I actually do get a good night sleep. I think the neurologist may have something when he says it may be sleep apnea. I cant take anything to sleep other than the xanax because of various reasons. Lunesta: I actually get the horrid after taste the entire next day. Ambien: makes my blood pressure go up. Over the counter: I feel like I was hit by a truck the next morning. So half xanax before bed with some sleepy time tea. I need to get a new pillow also, my son has a great one. My neck has been hurting alot lately. Headaches like crazy also.

 

I have noticed that with this new symptom, which we will just call mini dizzy spells, if I keep busy, moving around doing things, its not as bad. When I sit at the computer or watch TV its worse. This is bad because I am on the computer alot at work and I am a TV junkie! I record everything. I cant give that up. The shows I watch are an escape for me. They take my mind off of things. Keep it occupied with the made up lives and stories I watch. I lose myself in them, wishing thats how I felt or thats how I acted. Now you may be thinking its my eyes, well, its not. They have been checked as well. I am basically a healthy person. I have a great life also. I am not bragging but being realistic. I have a husband who absolutely adores me, kids who sometimes make me crazy but are great, I own my own business now for 3 months (yeah, that is stressful but its a different kind of stress for me). We actually opened the business because my last job was increasing my anxiety and I was on medical leave. Anyways, my life is good so sometimes I sit back and think: why! Why do I have to suffer like this when I should be happy and enjoying life. Then I snap out of it and realize that its an illness. A medically proven illness. I was told I am a negative thinker. I have thought of every possible horrible thing that could happen. I do it all the time. Just talking about it, my head is spinning a little right now.

 

I getting ready to head to bed now. I will lay down, put on the tv until I pass out and start all over again tomorrow. I really do plan on getting up in the morning and walking but the rain lately in South Florida isnt helping. At the same time, I am not rushing either. Soon though.

 

I wish everyone a great night!!

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1 comment

  • Comment Link Liz Hawkins Sunday, 21 July 2013 02:14 posted by Liz Hawkins

    Hi. I'm not really sure WHEN you left this post. I'm new to this site, but I'm not really sure if it's even active anymore. All the posts are from 2012. I just wanted to reply and say that I understand exactly how you feel...As I read your post, I feel like I'm reading my own Blog. I make it through the day with 1/2 Xanax a couple of times, watching my favorite TV shows until I fall asleep. I joined a health club a couple of days ago that has a Full time Nutritionist who offers classes on detoxing and stress relief with regular sessions on nutrition. I'm kind of hopeful for the first time in a long time. I thought my anxiety was getting better but I seem to have had a setback. I would like to share my story but I'm afraid I'm typing into a Black Hole. If you're still there, hang in there!

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