So day 2 of my diary! Yep, I made it back. This is a good thing because like I mentioned before I have no will power and usually dont stick with anything. Today was an ok day. It started rough. I dont sleep well so I am not a happy camper when I get up in the morning. Today was my day off so the phone was off, the alarm was off. I got up around 10 to see missed calls and messages. I own a second hand store and the man who was supposed to deliver some things today was calling me. We set up a time and then it started raining. Now there is alot more to that part of my day but I wont bore you with it. Lets just say I was annoyed. First thing when I wake up, still not smoking, headache already. Well, I had to take half of a xanax to get moving. I actually got alot done today even with the rain.
I have taken a total of 1 1/2 xanax today. I take .5 but I break them in half each time I take one. I am still haveing those horrible head twitches with the split second of dizzyness. Now this new symptom doesnt start right away when I actually do get a good night sleep. I think the neurologist may have something when he says it may be sleep apnea. I cant take anything to sleep other than the xanax because of various reasons. Lunesta: I actually get the horrid after taste the entire next day. Ambien: makes my blood pressure go up. Over the counter: I feel like I was hit by a truck the next morning. So half xanax before bed with some sleepy time tea. I need to get a new pillow also, my son has a great one. My neck has been hurting alot lately. Headaches like crazy also.
I have noticed that with this new symptom, which we will just call mini dizzy spells, if I keep busy, moving around doing things, its not as bad. When I sit at the computer or watch TV its worse. This is bad because I am on the computer alot at work and I am a TV junkie! I record everything. I cant give that up. The shows I watch are an escape for me. They take my mind off of things. Keep it occupied with the made up lives and stories I watch. I lose myself in them, wishing thats how I felt or thats how I acted. Now you may be thinking its my eyes, well, its not. They have been checked as well. I am basically a healthy person. I have a great life also. I am not bragging but being realistic. I have a husband who absolutely adores me, kids who sometimes make me crazy but are great, I own my own business now for 3 months (yeah, that is stressful but its a different kind of stress for me). We actually opened the business because my last job was increasing my anxiety and I was on medical leave. Anyways, my life is good so sometimes I sit back and think: why! Why do I have to suffer like this when I should be happy and enjoying life. Then I snap out of it and realize that its an illness. A medically proven illness. I was told I am a negative thinker. I have thought of every possible horrible thing that could happen. I do it all the time. Just talking about it, my head is spinning a little right now.
I getting ready to head to bed now. I will lay down, put on the tv until I pass out and start all over again tomorrow. I really do plan on getting up in the morning and walking but the rain lately in South Florida isnt helping. At the same time, I am not rushing either. Soon though.
I wish everyone a great night!!