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New college is a nightmare

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Alright, so I remember about two years ago stupid me met someone from the internet. He had my number, my facebook, and my info from another site. It started out simply enough, going to meet someone you met online for a date. Then I got pressured in to kissing him, and I got caught up in the moment, though it never passed kissing, I let the date go on for far longer than I should have, and kissed more times than I should have. I then regretted it horribly the next day after having heavily mixed feelings. I rejected him....and then the cyberstalking began. Calls every day, repeated texts. I blocked him on the site I had first met him on, then he started talking to me on facebook. I blocked him there. Then the phone calls got more intense, happening more and more often. My ex who I was friends with came to my rescue and told him to back off. My stalker then began to make things seem like they had gone further than they had. I was called a slut, a dirty whore. Names I wouldn't even dream of calling anyone. He tried to ruin my reputation. At the time I was a devout, churchgoing Christian so no one believed him. He harrassed me day and night. I began crying whenever a call came up on my phone. I had told my dad, a retired police officer, who eventually picked up my phone during one of the calls and threatened him with a restraining order. He backed off... enough. I moved states and got engaged, changed my number. I felt safe knowing I was states away from the man who once stalked me. Two years later I moved back to where I had lived during the stalking. I got yet another number and broke off my engagement. I applied and got accepted to a four year university, which is unfortunately a few miles away from where I first encountered my stalker. Already having an anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, did not help as I began getting nervous for no logical reason in my new location and school. I went and changed my drivers license back to the state in which I now lived. In the process, I drove by the very place in which I first saw, and met, the man who ruthelessly cyberstalked me for what felt like years, but amounted to months. I began hypervenhilating and a panic attack hit. I struggled to regulate my breathing as I tried to drive as far away as I could get from the location. I shrugged it off once I got home and was able to calm my shaken self down. I curiously reentered the site in which I first encountered my cyberstalker a few days previously, and had expected his profile to still be blocked. I got a message from him anyway. A simple "hey" was all it took for me to frantically block his profile again, and consider my options. After the panic attack in the car, I have been seriously considering what to do. My choices have thus been: get therapy, take a self defense course, and make sure I have pepper spray at all times. I only feel safe on campus. Unfortunately, the damage he did has been done, and online dating has become impossible. I become terrified of meeting someone to the point in which I would have to take my anxiety medicine to stop the severe panic attack, which prevents me from driving. Meeting anyone of the opposite gender from online has become impossible. I wish time and time again that this had not occurred, that he would have gotten a sentence, something, anything, to make him understand what he did to me. I try to move on and make the anxiety fade on my own, as I have done many times before. Years without needing therapy has boiled down to me needing it worse than I could have ever expected he would have done to my mental state. I know what I have to do, but admitting you need help is often harder than you think.

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  • Comment Link Lexie Kulak Sunday, 24 August 2014 03:15 posted by Lexie Kulak

    I can relate. I have a crazy stalker Ex. luckily he hasn't appeared again for over a year. I was in another relationship for a while so I kinda stopped worrying about him as much. Then the day after I was dumped by normal guy I had a job interview in crazy stalker guy's town. I did not worry about it and then I got there and almost turned around and left. It was too close for comfort and luckily i didn't get that job.

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