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This is me

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5 Novemeber 2014

I've just signed up to asn. I found this site when trying to find ways to help you sleep with anxiety. I'm 18 and have been suffering from anxiety for the past year. I was born with a chronic health condition so basically i've spent half my life in and out of the children's hospital. For a very long time i felt weak and ungrateful, being at the hospital having so many doctors try their best to save my life (in regards to my disease) when I didn't even want to live myself (because of my severe anxiety). I felt like I was wasting time and money and that I shouldn't bother attending doctors appointments; and so I stopped attending them and missing treatment. I found that as my physical health got worse, so did my mental health. I went from attending every party and social event to only leving the house to go to school, some days I would even skip school and just stay in my bedroom all day starring at the walls. Walking out my front door to the letter box is now a struggle for me. I finished school about a month ago and have only left the house 3 times since. 2 of those times was to go to the hospital. The other time I was just in the car whilst my mum picked my sister up from the train station around the corner from home, I suffered an anxiety attack and nearly jumped out of the car on the freeway in moving traffic.

I haven't always had trouble sleeping. But 31st October I had an operation for my disease (it's not contagious) and since then I have found it very difficult to sleep. I experience suffocating like feelings and start shaking when it gets close to bed time, once in bed every noise makes me freak out and I end up laying there frozen until exhaustion takes over and forces me to sleep. The sounds I hear at night are the sounds of planes and traffic. When I hear these sounds during the day they do not phase me, yet when I am trying to sleep they send shivers down my spine, i start shaking, i feel like the temperature has increased, i get clamy palms, dry throat and difficulty catching my breath. I feel so exhausted during the day but I do not nap during the day for I am hoping that if I stay up during the day and go to bed that bit earlier then I will fall asleep earlier. I'm too scared to take sleeping tablets, the mere thought of them freak me out, and I am also scared they will interefer with the medication I am on for my disease. I want to find a healthy, drug free solution for my anxiety and to help me sleep. 


- thatgirlmarilyn 

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