Didn’t get much sleep last night, just 3 hours until those stupid fucking motorbikes racing woke me up. It was the same old song and dance. I try to go back to sleep, get stressed out about not getting to sleep, get intrusive thoughts, get whacked with sleep deprivation the next day. When I tried to nap the first time I got at least an hour of light sleep which I’m so glad to have but it wasn’t enough. So, I decided to commence Operation Nap 2. Which was a bad idea ’cause I was still in a pretty bad state. As I laid down, worries and intrusive thoughts filled my head. Why am I like this? How I wish I could sleep. I was really tempted to take medication but I refrained, it’s the middle of the day and I would rather not depend on them.
Same intrusive thoughts, and worries came across my mind. What if I am driving myself insane? What if my family learned that I was an atheist. For sure, my mom woud be very disappointed and relate that as a cause to my anxiety, which partly true. I am scared that my mom would find out, that adds to my anxiety.
I am much better now when I am not forcing myself to sleep, I can not wait for my therapy session with the psychiatrist, I want to get better, and I will, I feel better now.
Anyway, have a nice day. :)