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Holiday season

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I wanted to start off by saying that I hate the holidays. This time of the year is really difficult for me because I have a small family with alot of addictions, abuse, and loss. I lost both of my parents when I was 11 years old, so the holiday season is a harsh reminder of reality. Now that I'm 18, it has become stressful because many of my family members now expect me to step up and buy presents, host family parties, and drop all of my responsibilities to participate in christmas activities. Lately, this has made me stressed out and on edge. To make matters worse, the majority of my family does not understand anxiety and thinks that I just need to "get over it". They think that I'm doing this to myself, which is ridiculous. Who would put themselves through this? 

About a month ago, my Dziadzie (grandfather) died. This has caused alot of tension in my family and alot of pressure on me. In my mind, he was the only connection I had to my mother's family, so in a way my family has gotten smaller and smaller. It's very hard going through this when you feel like you don't have anyone. 

Any way, I have a family party to go to so I'll probably make another diary post when I get home. 

bye guys xx

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