Hello! Welcome to my blog. My name is Brandie, I'm 28 years old and I suffer from anxiety and panic. I have always dealt with anxiety, but I have never had it this bad. It was triggered after the messy ending of a relationship with a man I was very in love with, but who just didn't love me anymore. This happened four months ago and everyday has been a stuggle to get back some semblance of normal. I am refusing any form of medication and am choosing to fix this problem through CBT, diet, excerise, and meditation. I don't make a lot of money, so most of my CBT is from me reading online ways to handle anxiety and panic attack. On occasion I can squink by and see a counslor at my local Catholic Church. I must say thought that I have made a lot of progress, albeit slow progress. I am proud of my progress because it was hard pressed through changing negative mental behaviours than achieved through a pill. I do not shame anyone for how they choose to walk their path, but for me, it is about taking all those mental behaviours that have been tearing me down for years and getting rid of them for good.
Today was a good step in that battle. I was having a rough day, had a lot of chest pain and just randomly crying a lot. Finally I decided I had to do something, so I pulled up one of my favorite guided meditations and it of course had the words I needed to hear. After calming down I decided it was time to start running towards this fight. I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of the fear, I'm tired of not being able to lead my life the way I want to. This is what I did:
I got up, took a shower, painted my nails, put on my best outfit and did my makeup. I felt like I was looking good and I had a plan in mind. I was challenging myself, here on one of my rougher days for social anxiety, to go to my local mall and walk around. But, it didn't stop there, the next bit was I challenged myself to make eye contact with at least 5 people and speak to at least 1. So how did it go? Really well.
I made eye contact with loads of people and talked to at least five people for lengthy periods of time. It's like they all knew that I had a goal to reach and decided to be a part of my recovery. After leaving the mall I even felt good enough to go to another store and walk around a bit. I almost had a little fender bender in the lot, which should have sent me home packing, but I decided to charge forward and wound up talking with the person that almost hit me. I'd say that makes today's operation a success. I am going to keep challenging myself like this as much as possible until going to a store isn't something scary for me anymore. My mind created anxiety, my mind can overcome it.