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Friday, 11 March 2016 03:26

First Day

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This is my first diary entry. My job is my main source of social anxiety, I have to deal with talking to people all day long. Every time I speak to someone I second guess myself and think wow I sound like such a loser, my co-workers probably can tell that I have no idea what I am doing and that I have no self-esteem. They probably want to stop talking to me and want to avoid me. I say such horrible messages to myself all of the time!!! What's even worse is that I majored in psychology and am a licensed counselor! Out of all the people in the world to not have social anxiety, it should be me, but even with all of my training and education, I can't stop my heart racing, my irrational thoughts, my shaky voice and my sweaty palms, etc. No one else in my family has issues with mental health or anxiety, I feel very alone. In addition to all of this, I am a perfectionist, so every time I am anxious, I am degrading myself for feeling that way. I tell myself, "Stop feeling anxious! This is not a big deal, I can't believe you're nervous right now. Everyone can tell you're so nervous, you don't deserve this job, how are you this incompetent?!!? Or people pity me.." Either way, I am definitely one imperfect person trying to be perfect imperfectly :(

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