Hello, it's me. I was just diagnosed about a year ago, right after a horrible broken heart and after I lost one of my childhood pets. I knew for awhile that I had some issues, but it wasn't until I got diagnosed that I actually realized how bad my depression and anxiety really is. I have been going through some rough battles lately; my mom almost lost her house, I've been struggling at college to make friends and to keep my grades up (in high school I was a straight A student) trying to find a job but not hearing anything back from any establishment that I have turned in an application for, and much more. I am not sure how much longer I can try to make myself feel better. I have been on pills to help for almost a year. The first pills that I took made me feel even worse; I had horrible nightmares and was having suicidal thoughts, which never happened before. I started some new pills about 5 months ago and they are working better for my depression, but I feel that my anxiety has just gotten worse. I went to the doctor about a month ago and she put me on some meds that will stop on anxiety attack, but not prevent them. I have been doing better lately at talking myself out of anxiety attacks, but today I feel horrible. It might just be beccause of my lack of sleep from last night, but everything seems to get to me today. My boyfriend and I were invited to go eat at his parents house tonight. (Nick helps me lots! Some days I have no clue what I would do without him and I am so lucky to have him there for me everyday.) Nick also did not get much sleep last night, so when we got home he took a nap. I woke him up to have him text his mom just to find out they had already ate without us. Now any other day it really wouldn't have bothered me, but my mother is sick (my boyfriend and I live with my mom) and I really do not feel like cooking today after not getting much sleep and being up early for class this morning. I lost it and took it out on Nick and now I feel horrible. Some days I wish he had someone better but I am so glad that he can put up with me. Well, as I am getting emotional, I will wrap it up here. I hope this diary/blog helps me. I don't really know what else to do anymore.