Fear is a major part of my life. I’m scared to get up, scared to go to work, scared to come home from work, scared to go to sleep and also scared to do everything in between. It’s this fear that causes anger and pain. I know the thoughts I have are irrational and that my mind is playing tricks but the helplessness causes me to mentally “beat myself up” over it.
what is anxiety to me:
It is a pretty standard list, if you search anxiety and depression symptoms you are likely to find all of them listed; except two. Strength and Hope. The reason I have included these will become clear by the end of this blog.
When I have a panic or anxiety attack I always get a pain down my left arm and a crushing feeling in my chest. After being on this site I have found that I am not alone in feeling this pain. However, I am always wary to dismiss it as just an attack as it’s always in my mind that this time it could be an actual heart attack!
One of the main reasons I decided to write this was to push myself. If it embarrasses me, then so be it. There have been many times I have avoided doing things because I was scared of being judged, failing and making an utter fool of myself; but recently I made a conscious choice to do the things I would have shied away from regardless of what anyone may think.
It’s easier said than done.
How will I ever know if I am good at something unless I try it? How will I find something to distract me from being anxious and depressed without giving it a go? I recently saw this quote that sums up what I mean. It is from a man called Fredrick Smith:
“Fear of failure must never be a reason not to try anything.”
I’m often perceived as lazy. This is a tag that annoys me because I do not choose to be, motivation is not something I can control…yet! As sufferers will know, the effort it takes to get up in the morning alone, let alone the strength it takes to make it through the day, is something that many people cannot understand.
This leads me nicely on to Strength and Hope.
If you think of all the energy, strength and effort you put into fighting your symptoms and living a normal life (whatever that is!) shows how amazing we really are and with just a little self-belief we can take control of our lives and not live dictated by the disorder. The strongest people I know are the people who live or have lived with mental health disorders, and that gives me hope for the future.
Dale (profile name Megalatron)
Please feel free to add me or inbox me with feedback or just a chat. No-one has to suffer alone! Also thanks to user kevin88 for drawing my avatar!