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Diary

In this category are all the diary's of the different users of the site.

My name is Jessica Adanich. I was born and raised in Northeast Ohio. I have two amazing parents, Susan and Emery Adanich, who helped me become the person I am today. I’m an artist, designer, author, daughter, friend, bunny mom, lego enthusiast, fish owner, knitting guru, ocean obsessed, shark lover, gardening newbie, twenty-nine year old female. I also battle with depression and anxiety. In today’s world many people feel if they have depression and/or anxiety (D&A) they are defective, non-human beings. Of course, this is part of their depression speaking but also partly how our society looks at people who declare they have depression. Slowly as a whole, we are beginning to realize this isn’t true. Most people you would never expect to have such issues actually do. And most times unfortunately, those people are spending a lot of energy trying to hide it and battle it by themselves. I think since I have published Journal+ and began telling my story; I’m finally starting to feel free. It’s incredibly exhilarating to finally give yourself permission to be truly you. I…
Well I am new on anxietysocialnet.com. It captured my attention because I have recently returned online for anxiety help. I have suffered from anxiety pretty much all my life however it really started affecting me when I was 11. Between 11-18, I didn't understand that what I was going through was anxiety. I am thankful I had a mom who saw that I did get anxious and she would hug me, and we would cite verses or quotes that helped me in my situation. My anxiety was a little more predictable back then, like I knew I was always anxious in the mornings, then extremely anxious for a test, or if I saw my crush. Which are completely normal things to get nervous for. However, my anxiety was worse because I would feel like I was dying, couldn't breathe, and I would shake profusely.  Jump forward to now. I am 26 and I still suffer from anxiety. The doctor informed me that my anxiety is at a High/Severe level back in 2012. I have months where it is worse and some…
My mind is like a ticking bomb, I never know when it will go off. It decides when to strike, where to strike and how hard. My mind has exploded for the 3rd time today. This bomb will set off at the triggers I cannot see. They know when to strike next sometimes it happens multiple times in a day and it hinders my ability to function as a normal person. I can no longer be able to just rely on the medication given to me, for it does not work like it usually does. It can suprees it some days or cause less attacks to happen, but it hasnt been able to subside those feelings I have inside anymore. I used to be able to keep what I am feeling at bay and hide it and fight it through thick and thin, but now all it does is get stronger and I cant live this way anymore. I cant funtion on my own I rely on the ones  that are closest to me to keep my head above water.…
This is the second "episode" of this.  Growing up, my father was the one who was the person who worked for everything and gave us everything we needed. My "mother" was the one who was addicted to gambeling and did not work, got government funding when it was not needed and even lied on the forms she filled out so she was able to get them. She cheated on my father many times which I found out later when I was older and him and I talked that he knew about, and he simply put that aside and stayed together for my sister and I.  That is an amazing person, a selfless person. Someone who I strive to be and I try to be. I never bring up my issues and the things I am going through so  I can help the ones that are around me, I come second.  My father was the same way and he commited suicide in 2004 at just 47 years old. He is my hero, he showed me what it is to be a…
This is the first of many. I never really vent to anyone because I feel like I am just talking about myself but so many things have happened in my life I could talk for days and still feel like I have things to talk about. This will be a place where I can just talk, about everything.  The first thing I want to talk about was being made fun of when I was in grade school, from 1st to 4th grade because I could not hear. I had to miss school many days at a time to have 15+ (I do not remember the exact number of times now) surguries on my ears.  I was left with a lot of scar tissue in my ears which has left me around 45% deaf. Kids would relentlessly make fun of me because I could not hear everything they were able to hear. That is when I started enjoying being by myself playing with hotwheels world city, I could create what I wanted to any not get made fun of.     …
Today has been nothing but crying being unable to eat and not finding any way to cope with my anxiety. Normally calling my dad helps me, but today I found that it didn't. I dont know whats going on inside my own head. I cant seem to put what Im feeling into words. Medication doesnt seem to be helping me at all, ive had to put a face on when with other people. The only person that has been able to see passed my face is my boyfriend. He helps me in every way he can. Excercising doesnt seem to help anymore not even being in the sun helps. The only time I have been able to truly get passed what I am feeling is being around animals and children, but children dont stick around enough to help make it go away. Ive lied to my boyfriends face too many times that I am okay. The truth is im not, I am always afraid that he isnt going to want to be around me much longer because of how I…
03-08-16 9:07pm       It's been a rough second semester and I'm feeling the pressure. I'm writing to relieve the tension in my body. I'm starting to have rush of thoughts again. To be fair, I've been consuming an average of one and a half cup of coffee a day. What can I say? It's exam time again. The rush of thoughts contain the same old. Irrational fears, intrusive images, and unpleasant feelings.   Now, I am afraid of somehow developing schizophrenia, I am worried about failing my exam for the third time, and I'm afraid that people will misjudge me for my mental illness. E rush of thoughts is making it difficult to study. I think I should abandon the coffee.
Do you get cramps, abdominal discomfort, churning with anxiety?  Or do you have IBS?  IBS can CAUSE anxiety which in turn exacerbates your IBS which exacerbates your anxiety which ex.. you get the picture.  Whether it's real IBS or abdominal discomfort due to anxiety.. read on.. When we have abdominal discomfort on and off but on a regular basis, it drains your energy.  The smooth muscles in your gut take up to 30% of your energy.  It gets worse if you have psycholical issues (anxiety).  Therefore combine food sensitivities / gut issues with anxiety and it's a perfect storm.  They feed off each other. Tooks me 1.5 yers to discover this with my psyciatrist but TAKE CARE of your gut as best you can.  I guarantee you this will help your anxiety.  Any psychiatrist or Dr. will tell you that eating healthy is important anyways.  Regarding the gut, 3 things: 1.  Start adding psyllium fibre to your diet every morning.  Religiously.  Smaller portions for the first couple of days.  Don't shock your system. Initially, for the first few days, might…
I think its time to start over, take out the eraser and clean the whiteboard of our expectations, and concepts we take for granted. Iv been living with this under my own radar for most of my life. and the last few years have full of careful observation and research, none of this or its side effects is beyond the scope of explanation yet my experiance when I reached out for help was "lacking", I propose a community project for a users guide for axniety. Every site I go, every person I talk to, is blindsided and tormented, Resources need to be made, and were the only ones qualifyed to make them. Im gathering people for such a project, contact me if your interested.
I feel like im losing myself more and more each day. I'm starting to become disengaged with everything and everyone around me. I'm starting to question my existance/purpose on this earth i mean whether your  good/bad, happy/sad, accomplish alot or nothing at all we all have to die at some point right? So what's the point? Are we all here to try and fulfill our dreams and change the world to make it better for the next generation then they do the same and so and so on? Again what's the purpose? When it's all said and done..if it's ever said and done..what have we all accomplished and why are we trying to accomplish it? I mean I can sit here and thimk of all things i want to accomplish before i die and i can spend my whole life doing everything i can to accomplish them but why am i doing that? i guess i don't see the bigger picture but is there a bigger picture? it's just crazy to me to think about all the different things that…

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