Monday, 29 December 2014 12:26

Anxiety Story Secondary School

i then went onto secondary school , which i was very anxious about which it is for any child , who is starting big school , but for people with anxiety disorders its alot worst. 

 Has i had moved house , i was told that i would have to get a coach to school , which added to the anxiety even more,  i would be going out of my hometown to get to school , i remember standing at the bus stop and dreading having to get on the coach but i wasnt to bad has i made a friend while standing at the bus stop which made me feel so much better , and we were both nervous and in the same boat so i didnt feel completely alone . after a few months of being there i lefted that school has i started bunking & not wanting to go , i didnt enjoy the whole travelling experience it wasnt for me , so i then went to a local school thinking that it might be the solution , it was okay for a while , but i then starting bunking school again , it was literally around the corner from me , so i could walk it,  but for some reason i was terrified of walking to and from school on my own, leaving the front door was so hard , even meeting a friend was difficult, i remember my mum telling my friend to go on without me, has i was just to scared to get up and go, i froze i didnt want to move , i remember just laying in my room crying and scared cause i didnt want to go school . it soon became obvious to the school , that something wasnt right , i remember being called to the headmasters room for a meeting with my mum , i just sat there crying and scared and there were asking me questions and i couldnt answer them , like why i didnt want to go to school? but i didnt know myself , i had no reason to not want to go, i just didnt know why i was, the way i was.

& before i know it the anxiety was getting worst and the only time i felt better, was when i was at home away from everyone. so thats what i did i locked myself every from everyone , so i didnt have to deal with the anxiety, it was like the only way i felt i knew how to deal with it at the time,  i was then admitted to child mental health to see a therapist, i was there til i was 16 or 17 , i was doing so well i was going out , making friends , and doing what i loved i was living my life i managed my prom i was so happy and then it all went down hill , when i lefted school ,  i was 16 at the time and i relapsed really badly , just out of the blue, has all the support i was getting from the school stopped and my mental health support & my support from connexions also stopped not long after  , has i had hit that age where i was no longer a child, i had to be referred to adult mental health, for more therapy and to yet be dianosged , but in the mean time things were really bad , i started to pushing friends and family away , everyone who cared for me & loved me i pushed away no one didnt anything horrible to me. it was me i was going through this really bad time and everything started to fall apart , i was feeling every emotion you could think off  , and none of my friends could understand why i was doing this , has i never said anything to my friends about my struggle with my mental health, i kepted it a secret , so i was completely on my own at this point , and i stopped leaving the house , all i would do is sleep and cry.  

Published in Diary
Wednesday, 17 December 2014 20:36

Panic Attacks

I have been experiencing panic attacks since March of 2014.  I had my first panic attack while sitting in my car, on a break at work.  I was doing something innocuous like checking Facebook, and it hit me out of no where.  My heart was racing, breathing was difficult, I was dizzy and felt like my head was 'in a bubble'.  I remember clawing at my collar bone, feeling as if there was something there restricting my breath.  I went back into work and continued my day through the feelings which came in waves.  For the next 4 days I trudged through those feelings, thinking I was getting sick with a cold or something.  I even tried taking a cold medication thinking it was mucous in my lungs making me feel like I couldn't breath.  Taking this medication actually made me feel worse; I started panicing about taking a pill, and my symptoms worsened.  I also had a severe stabbing pain in my left shoulder blade, and I managed to find one random website online that indicated that that could be a symptom of a heart attack.  This only made me panic more, and again, my symptoms worsened.  I still had not at this point even thought that I was experiencing a panic attack.  Finally, when I could not walk more than 10 feet without having to sit down due to being dizzy and out of breath, I paniced, called my husband to come home from work, and went to Urgent Care (I did not have insurance at the time and did not want to pay out of pocket for something I was sure would pass).  I was doubled over in the waiting room, convinced that I was going to pass out.  The nurse came out and took my blood oxygen level, and I was fully oxygenated.  I finally met with a doctor, who told me I was having a four day long panic attack and perscribed Xanax.  My husband and I picked up dinner on the way home and I sat, staring at the pill, crying because I was so scared, until I finally took it.  I felt 150% better.  Everything was beautiful, I was on a fucking cloud lmao!  It really did wonders.

Since that attack, I've had one almost on the dot every other Wednseday, with a few peppered in between.  I have many mini ones as well where it feels as if a wave of anxiety hits me and then passes within a few minutes but they are not as severe as the heart racing, can't focus on anything else attacks.  The mini ones are usually triggered by a pain in my chest on various sides, usually attributable to gas or muscle spasms (but that doesn't stop the panic, does it?).  I try now to just recognize them as Panic Attacks and let them pass but it's not always easy.  I also found a questionnaire online that I fill out everytime I'm in the midst of an attack.  This helps me notice patterns and inconsistencies in my symptoms as well as helps me accuratly monitor the frequency of my attacks and mini attacks. 

Published in Diary
Monday, 02 December 2013 10:01

Hello

I feel normal but for this agoraphobia for the most part.  I am homebound and dealing with agoraphobia and panic attacks over 20 yrs but I have God, family, and friends and am grateful.  I always have hope to be better and will always try thats why I got on here.  I pray for more knowledge and treatment for all affected by it as well as compassion

Published in Diary
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