Tuesday, 17 March 2015 19:19

Journal Entry #1

Hi everyone. I'm brand new to the site so not sure what to do with it quite yet but I just wanted to introduce myself.

My name is Olivia, 19, USA. Currently I'm taking a semester off of college to try an work on my anxiety that I have lived with for as long as I can remember. It's been rough being home and I just need people to talk to. All my friends are off at school and I just feel completely lost and helpless/hopeless. My mom has been great througout this process and has really just been my rock. But the more time I spend at home the more I feel myself regressing back to my terrible hermit-esque habits...I want to be back at school. I want to be happy. I want to be anxiety free. I now this will be a lifelong battle but I just want it to get a little better everyday. I'm on my second maybe third month of Prozac and I personally feel like it has been super helpful. And along with the prozac I have been seeing a thrapist once a week. She's incredible and I know that I'm in good hands. 

It's all jst really confusing right now. I'm trying to figure out where to start to tell my story.

Anyway. I wasn't planning on writing all of this. I will hopefully fill you in on more tomorrow. It's late and I need sleep. Tomorrow is sure to be an anxious one. My mother is making me apply for a job while I'm home and to say I'm worried about it is an understatement.

Love to all. 

Looking forward to meeting some new friends and figuring it out together. 

Oh The Places You Will Go  - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20mMbEB0OhA

Goodnight.

Published in Diary
Saturday, 07 February 2015 01:02

Over 2 months

Moving forward over the 2 month mark and taking 50mg of Zoloft.  Now sometimes I feel a little strange, kinda in a dream state but it doesn't last long and if I take a .25 Xanax than I'm good in 20 minutes.  I am impressed over all about my mood and getting things done.  I'm much more motivated and its been tough to run as much as I would like in the winter.  This has given me hope and I look forward to see how much I can get done now that anxiety is not running my life.  After getting both those tumors out I never thought I would end up with the hope I now have.  It has been awhile but I'm looking forward to what the future will bring and what I have already got done!  Till next month, stay positive and believe in hope and that you can get better!! 

 

Published in Diary
Monday, 29 December 2014 12:26

Anxiety Story Secondary School

i then went onto secondary school , which i was very anxious about which it is for any child , who is starting big school , but for people with anxiety disorders its alot worst. 

 Has i had moved house , i was told that i would have to get a coach to school , which added to the anxiety even more,  i would be going out of my hometown to get to school , i remember standing at the bus stop and dreading having to get on the coach but i wasnt to bad has i made a friend while standing at the bus stop which made me feel so much better , and we were both nervous and in the same boat so i didnt feel completely alone . after a few months of being there i lefted that school has i started bunking & not wanting to go , i didnt enjoy the whole travelling experience it wasnt for me , so i then went to a local school thinking that it might be the solution , it was okay for a while , but i then starting bunking school again , it was literally around the corner from me , so i could walk it,  but for some reason i was terrified of walking to and from school on my own, leaving the front door was so hard , even meeting a friend was difficult, i remember my mum telling my friend to go on without me, has i was just to scared to get up and go, i froze i didnt want to move , i remember just laying in my room crying and scared cause i didnt want to go school . it soon became obvious to the school , that something wasnt right , i remember being called to the headmasters room for a meeting with my mum , i just sat there crying and scared and there were asking me questions and i couldnt answer them , like why i didnt want to go to school? but i didnt know myself , i had no reason to not want to go, i just didnt know why i was, the way i was.

& before i know it the anxiety was getting worst and the only time i felt better, was when i was at home away from everyone. so thats what i did i locked myself every from everyone , so i didnt have to deal with the anxiety, it was like the only way i felt i knew how to deal with it at the time,  i was then admitted to child mental health to see a therapist, i was there til i was 16 or 17 , i was doing so well i was going out , making friends , and doing what i loved i was living my life i managed my prom i was so happy and then it all went down hill , when i lefted school ,  i was 16 at the time and i relapsed really badly , just out of the blue, has all the support i was getting from the school stopped and my mental health support & my support from connexions also stopped not long after  , has i had hit that age where i was no longer a child, i had to be referred to adult mental health, for more therapy and to yet be dianosged , but in the mean time things were really bad , i started to pushing friends and family away , everyone who cared for me & loved me i pushed away no one didnt anything horrible to me. it was me i was going through this really bad time and everything started to fall apart , i was feeling every emotion you could think off  , and none of my friends could understand why i was doing this , has i never said anything to my friends about my struggle with my mental health, i kepted it a secret , so i was completely on my own at this point , and i stopped leaving the house , all i would do is sleep and cry.  

Published in Diary
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