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Thursday, 24 May 2012 01:54

Need to share this somewhere

My family has always been about secrets and lies.  This isn't news to me.  My parental situation is "messy" to say the least, but I'm not gonna go into all the nitty-gritty of it (cos I'll be here all bloody night!!).  

Tonight, after 38 years, I finally get up the courage to find out about my Dad.  I was a TOTAL coward about it, and took advantage of the fact that my Mum isn't talking to me atm, and asked my son over the phone, to ask my Mum for details.  Turns out, the family gossip was right.  My Dad was 38 when he was with my Mum, and she was 16.  After finally bothering to do the maths, I figure out another family lie - my Mum wasn't 18 when I was born, she was 17. (Not a massive issue, but it just peeves me that my family can't be straight about anything.)  So, I already had a name, but now I have confirmation of his age (and thereby, a year of birth to help in the search).  After I got off the phone to my son, he called me back a few mins later and said my Mum had asked if I was looking for him, and when he said yes, she handed him a piece of paper.  On it was his last known address (38 bloody years ago), his wifes name and the names of 3 of his 7 kids.  I was an only child, I HAVE 7 BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!! and it actually took me about 3-4 hours for this fact to dawn on me lol.

I've been prowling the net trying to find a free tracing service, but they all want your money now :-S  I went to and found a couple with their names, but I don't have £10 spare atm to get the info they have.  So now I just have to sit around, waiting for some money to be available (which wont be any time soon - I have to pay £266 to get my ferrets neutered and I still don't have all that), knowing I could be a few mouse clicks away from finding a whole new (and hopefully nicer and more sane) family.  I want this for my kids too.  They have 3 parents (they don't see their biological father, but know plenty about him, including that they don't want to see him) and no grandfather.  This is some kind of horrible torture!  I hate having things half done and having to wait around to finish stuff, but this is on a whole different level!

Theeeeen, there's the whole "meet your Dad" business....  My life has been one long disaster, and I don't have much to be proud of or brag about.  Not to mention, 7 other kids of his, who've all probably done well.  He's gonna hear my life story and just think "Christ, this one's a disappointment"!  I'm not freaking out about it yet, it's still possible that I haven't found him (or even that he's passed away, he'd be 88 now.  There's still the 7 brothers & sisters though).  I guess I'll deal this that when it becomes a bit more of a reality.  

Published in Diary

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