Sunday, 18 January 2015 02:33

Feeling worse

I've been feeling worse the past week or so.  I know one thing that is affecting me but I can't do much about it.  It's causing my mind to go all over the place.  I'm amazed that I can be so irrational and emotionally upset.  I can't shake these thoughts of not having a life.  I can't kill the lonliness.  It gets so hard sometimes to even get up and face the world.  I've been fighting for a long time but to no avail. I have hard time trusting people, likely due to my past.  I figure people are lying to me for whatever reason.  I hate being weak.  I can't stand the cowardice I've shown in my life.  I feel like I walk through life as a ghost.  I had no life in the past and I have none in the future. 

I don't want to be the old lonely guy at work.  The guy that dies alone living in some small, isolated apartment with no one to care.  That's selfish but I can't help it. 

Published in Diary