Saturday, 15 November 2014 11:50

Sleep

I have trouble sleeping and the sedative that my psychiatrist prescribed helped me a lot. I am only supposed to take it for one week every 8pm, after that I should keep them around for emergencies. The other night I went to sleep without much trouble, last night was different. I was tense,  catching little sounds with my ears. I managed to sleep but woke up 3 hours later, I do not know if it was because of the anxiety or because of the stupid drag racing bikes in my neighborhood.

I tried to go back to sleep naturally, not wanting to be dependent on sedatives, but around 4 am I had to admit defeat and took 1/4 of clonazepam.  I awoke around 7 or 8 feeling particularly shitty. So I spent the day in my room watching youtube videos until I felt so sleepy that I  was dizzy. I took a nap and woke up  an hour later feeling nauseous, sweaty, this happened before and I had a panic attack. Now I am here, feeling better without having a panic attack thank goodness.

Hopefully, later I will be able to sleep soundly on my own without the aid of sedatives, and continue with my life.

Published in Diary
Monday, 13 October 2014 17:53

Struggling

Hi everyone.  I am new to this site but I am really struggling so I thought I'd reach out.

I have been a generalized anxiety suffere for almost 10 years now and I've been off and on meds throughout that time.  I remember my life before meds and I was functional (maybe not super happy all the time, but functional).  My anxiety increased in my 20s and I decided to go on meds.

 

So recently I've been on 10mg of Prozac for about 3 years now and I'm thinking of having a kid so I decided to go off of the drugs.  About two months later I stood up from dinner and got really lightheaded.  My brain felt like it was being squeezed and my vision went all melty blurry.  I fell down and launched into what I guess was a full blown anxiety attack.  I've never had one before and it was obviously really scary.  It lasted almost 10 hours and I eventually went to the ER.

That was two months ago.  Ever since then it's like the anxiety beast is out of it's cage.  I feel lightheaded all the time (almost a dizzy feeling but with no vertigo).  My heart races for no reason, and I feel anxious a lot  without warning.  I am super scared of having another panic attack but most of all I just don't feel like myself.  This is interfering with every aspect of my life and I feel like no fun at all.  I am afraid to exercise or dance or do anything that might push my body to some unknown limit.  I get terrible headaches and generally just feel really weird.  If I drink a beer I feel even weirder. WTF is going on with me?

Has anyone else experienced anything similar to these symptoms?  I saw a GP and she suggested that I should go back on meds.  I am really hesitant to do that for a few reasons:

1.  I am afraid the meds have made my anxiety worse, to the point where I can't deal with it without taking them

2.  I want to have a kid at some point soon and I'd rather not be on meds

I really keep thinking that this will get better.  I have tried acupuncture, yoga, and herbal calmers but nothing really has solved the problem to any noticeable degree.  If anyone has any insight into this I would greatly appreciate it!  I just want my old life back.  I know I used to be able to not be on medication and function.  I feel like my brain is broken.

Published in Diary
Tuesday, 13 August 2013 18:18

"Sam, I don't know what to say"

Everyone would rather I keep my pain a secret; hold it inside of myself like some rotting fetus I'm supposed to push out and bury. They'd rather I forgot and smile and laugh and engage like nothing is happening inside of my brain, inside my soul.

People don't know what to say when they've never seen a hole as deep as mine. They don't know how to save me, or even know that they should.

 Then again, maybe I'm just being dramatic.

Published in Diary
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