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Displaying items by tag: Sleep problems

Monday, 30 September 2013 16:59

Issues at work and small great victories

Everything is good with me today. That should make me feel better... and i am, but i went through this so many times, i know i should be aware with my reaction to things, and observe other peoples behavior to compare it. I don't put pressure on myself to be like them, but i observe events that make me nervous, and make sure i am reacting in a healthy way comparing myself with other people's behavior.

 

Here in my new job, as developers, we use a technique that recquires a short reunion at morning everyday. All the software factory get toguether and speak about what we did yesterday, and what we will do today, one by one, person by person. It normaly takes 20 minutes. It is useful for sharing experiences and know who can help you with a complex problem, and pehaps find someone that had faced it before.

 

I was relaxed the first days speaking about it, but last week, one day i could not sleep thinking about what i should say in the morning. I was having trouble with a project, that now is finished on schedule to the amazement of my colleagues, but at the time i was unsure i should just say that i was still on the same issue. The next day at morning i got late at work, and missed the reunion (the anxiety disturbed my sleep and getting up)… i did not hesitate and went speak with my boss (that knows about my Social Anxiety), and told him i did not knew it would be an issue, but it was. His sugestion was that we spoke everyday before i went out home about what i should say the next morning, and we do that everyday.

 

I am very lucky to have a boss like that. Makes me feel more inclinated to help the company in whatever work they need; and i wish more companies teach this attitude to their leaders. Leaders should not just assume employees are lazy.

 

One thing i should mention as my difference in my Social Anxiety, and as an advice to you: In the reunions i never appear shy, and differently from my colleagues that enjoy chatting and joking with other colleagues freely during work, but in reunions lower their heads and speak very low having trouble to chose words... i keep using the techniques i trained filming myself and reading about it: Speak clearly; look in the eyes of people and respond with a smile when they smile; show that you are open to advices and comments and ask for it when necessarily; show that you are in trouble about some issue at work, because that shows your are humble, and people like this. Be the person i want to hear and see in myself.

 

I am not saying it is easy to do. But i keep training it. I sweat, became nervous, but slowly i am getting used to it, and speak better and better in front of people. The only difficulty is that i still have to know in advance what i have to say… my next step is beeing relaxed EVEN if i don’t have nothing to say, or have to come up with it at the spot. Rome was not built in a day…

 

Sometimes it is funny how people assume i am charismatic and easy going, when i have such issues with anxiety. The difference between me and their behavior and thinking is pehaps that i am such a nerd, not only in work, but about my own problems. I apply my education in my own life, not only in academy and work. We can figure out how to solve things with science, and practice teaching ourselves, and bring down the notion that we will always be as the way we were born or grew up to be.

 

... i also am aware i have issues, and i am not in denial.

 

Small victories are coming one by one, and it is very important to us to keep track of them to make us remember that the effort is not useless.

Published in Diary
Friday, 09 August 2013 04:09

Starting High School

So I'm new to this website. I found out about it through Twitter and figured I should check it out. I'm 14, so I'm going to start my first year of high school in September. I'm nervous (more nervous than I usually am). Whenever I try to tell my parents or anyone about how scared and worried I am about starting high school, they always brush it off and say that everyone is nervous about high school and that it'll turn out fine. Well ok. I didn't realize everyone had Generalized Anxiety Disorder to deal with. I hate it so much when people try to act like their minimal stress is anything similar to what it's like spending every second of your life worrying about things that probably don't even matter. BEING STRESSED AND HAVING AN ANXIETY DISORDER ARE NOT SYNONOMOUS! But anyway, back to what I was saying. So my school didn't give us any information or any details about how things work at the school. We've already had three orientations and I still don't know what time school starts. There are common knowledge things about the school day that I don't know and that scares me a lot. In just a few short weeks, I'm going to be walking into a school I know nothing about with a bunch of people I barely know in a situation that's completely new to me. You know, in my middle school, we didn't have locks on our lockers. I'm going to go to school and look like an idiot because I don't know how to open a combination lock. Then everyone is just going to stare at me and I'll be known as the girl who couldn't open her fucking locker. They also didn't give us a list of supplies we need for our classes. What if I forget to buy something from Staples? I'll seem unprepared. The best advice I've ever gotten in life was that you only get one chance to make a first impression. What if I fuck it up? In addition to that, the first three weeks of school, my bedroom is being redone. That means I'll be getting a crappy night sleep on an air mattress in my play room for almost the entire first month of school. As if that wasn't ENOUGH stress, my parents are making me get a job being a referee for little kids soccer games. I'll already have to wake up early for school and wake up early to do volunteer work on Sundays, but now I also have to wake up at 7:30 on Saturdays. I barely get any sleep already because I'm up all night FUCKING WORRYING ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS! And even when I do sleep, It's a challenge to actually stay asleep. I know it's only the beginning of August, but even thinking about September is making my stomach sick. As a little side note,my left arm is numb too. Does that ever happen to any of you? But on a more positive note, this is a col website. I really enjoy being able to vent like this. You can expect to see me on here a lot more :]

 

- Val

Published in Diary
Tuesday, 25 June 2013 21:53

Sleep Anxiety... Post #1 of my Journal

Last night I had a panic attack. I had spent the day barbecuing, drinking, and swimming with friends and at the end of the night, my boyfriend came over to spend the night.

We watched TV before we went to sleep. Even though I was the one who said I was tired, John was asleep in minutes. He began deep breathing/snoring which is common for him but before I knew it, I was in the beginnings of a panic attack.

After a minute or two of trying to prevent it, a full fledged panic attack overtook me.

I had to kick John out of my room, take a Xanax, and try not to throw up. Kicking John out of my bedroom was only because I tend to associate things with my panic attacks. If I get a panic attack while I'm doing something, I'll never do that something again, and obviously I don't want sleeping next to my boyfriend being something I try to avoid.

 

I had had a panic attack for the first time in weeks, maybe even months, three days earlier while on vacation. I ended up having to take two of my Xanax and throwing up. The next night I took a pill just in case-- before panic or anxiety could even begin. The night after that I was completley fine and slept in my apartment alone without any anxiety.

I don't understand why this happens to me. I had always been fearful of sleep situations as a child... I hated being by myself or being completely in the dark. I could never fall asleep before anyone at a sleepover for the fear they would wake me up. I have a fear of snoring or other sleep disturbances and these panic attack seriously take over my life.

 

I feel like no one understands what I'm going through and like it will never end.

Published in Diary
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