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I'm currently in a state of anxiety where my whole body feels tense. My musles are tight and woumd up. it physically hurts. I feel Lonely and nobody in my house understand what it feels like. I am so TIRED of people telling me to relax. If only it were that easy to do. I went to the doctor so a similar reason while i was in the middle of an attack not as sever but pretty bad. my heart was a little bit up. SHe told me that i had high blood pressure and gave me medicine for it even after i explained that i suffered from this illness and what was going on. It made wanna tell her that she was not help at all im looking for another primary care given she did not make me feel comfortable. I made feel helplkess and sad that she is not sympathetic or at least i dont feel like she was sympathetic. Sometimes I feel like I cant focus. think. or functiona nd I look for help but I dont feel like i get it. and not having money because i dont feel like i can function in my job does not help at all. I feel helpless and even though i know its unrealistic i wnat results now. Feeling like this sucks!!!

Published in Diary
Thursday, 06 November 2014 00:46

How it feels

6 November 2014

Suffocating. That's how it feels. It feels like my mind is being suffocated. I can physically feel the heaviness and heat weighing down on my mind. And it scares me. I feel like i've lost control. And why, for what? What even brings on these episodes, attacks rather. Because that's what they are. Thoughts that attack you and bring you down. But how can I stop them from happening when I can't even pin point the thoughts that stir the emotions and make me feel this way?

i just don't know.


I came across this poem and I feel like it describes how I  feel perfectly:
If I ever get hit by a car,
thank the man behind the wheel
Because he took me away
from a place I didn't want to be
And if I ever get shot
tell the man who pulled the trigger
That he just did what I was
Always too scared to do.

I just feel like that's exactly how I feel. It's like, I want to escape all this pain and suffering, but I am too scared to do so.

I am too scared to live. But i'm too scared to die.


- thatgirlmarilyn

Published in Diary
Monday, 07 October 2013 20:19

I'm really afraid of losing her :c

Hey guys uhmm....i've been told to check out this website and i finally did which is good i guess...well i've been depressed most of my life, and i never really had anyone to talk to about it and that's not a good thing...but anyways... most people ignore me and judge me by the way i dress and so but to be honest, i really don't mind it..i like being alone..or i don't like it.. i just don't want friends and so one 'cause one day they'll forget me and when they do i will get really bad again :l so now i'm kind of a loner..some weeks ago a teacher on my school took me out of the class to talk for a moment and he talked about how he have noticed me being sad and so on. So i kinda told him about and now he pull me out of class at least once a week..i really don't like it 'cause i just want people to leave me alone and just go on with their day but of course he won't let me be sad anymore so he says he has to talk to me...a girl started to talk to me some time ago and i kinda like her..she's really cool and such but deep down i wish i had never said hi to her in the first place...we're best buds now and i'm so afraid of losing her... she's moving to another school here next year and i just can't bare the feeling of losing her...i knew it was a bad idea to become friends with her and now i don't know what to do :c every time i talk about it, i always as you can guess i'm crying right now...well i guess that's it :l thank you for listening to my problem(s)

Published in Diary

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we are a community of people struggling with mental health issues, you are not alone!


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We are a community of people struggling with mental health issues, you are not alone!