Friday, 29 May 2015 22:12

Writing, my cure

Writing has always been a relief for me. Though I suck at speaking up, putting my words down has been a way for me to find confidence by focusing on each and every word I wrote. Despite my complete lack of interest in writing about new things, daily topics, I chose to focus on my personal writings. I thus created a blog to dwell upon my daily struggle: I hope people relate to it because I am sure I'm not the only one feeling such things.

Don't hesitate to share your own links if you have some, I'd be glad to discover relatable stories. 

Love to you all

Published in Diary
Saturday, 16 May 2015 23:53


So... I have this one friend (who is supposedly my best friend), but whenever I am around her i start doubting myself as a friend and get really quiet and anxious. This never happened in the last two years, but this year it is different. We didn't have any classes together first semester but second semester we have one. First semester we said we would visit each other, but she never visited me and I always visited her. She made so many new friends this year too, whereas last year it was just me and her against the world. I feel like she doesn't put as much effort into our friendship as she does her new ones. After a while, she started ignoring my texts and snapchats (wow total teen girl right here). I know she always has her phone and her excuse is that she doesnt see them, but she is always posting to her snapchat story. She doesnt even try to be my friend. I am honestly so sick of it, but I love her too much to not talk to her anymore... It hurts.

Published in Diary
Monday, 04 May 2015 15:11

Recent dreams

  Recenty I've began having dreams, about having panic attacks.  Dreams where I do something that usually brings on a panic attack, but in the dream I don't remember until right after I've done it.  Like drinking an energy drink or coffee.  In one dream last night I drank two amp energy drinks, and knew immediately that I made a mistake.  Seconds later in the dream I could feel my stomach spasms, and my heart rate was going up.  But I was totally aware at the same time that it was a dream.  


  I pass out in the dream I think, and wake up in a room on a heart monitor.  It's not a hospital, it's like an abandoned house someone hoarded things in, and they had a heart monitor lying around.  There are stuffed animals all around the room, and the bed is up on shelves a couple feet of the ground.  There's one particular shelf with a curtain over it, where some stuffed animals that apparently could talk slept or lived.  It was like their little cubby.  

  Anyways, my fiance's dad shows up and suddenly she's there as well.  He says we have to go, and I mention the heart monitor, and he says we should take it with us.  So I start taking it and packing it up in a way that we can carry it to the vehicle that is parked a long ways away, and the stuffed animals get really mad or something and from there the game sort of turns into a video game.  I have some bubble looking health bar, and they start throwing things and shooting things at me and it all hits me but I don't die, my health bar just goes down a bit.  We run and run, and right about the time we're getting in the car in some parking garage, I wake up.  


  I woke up from the dream however because it had began to thunder very heavily last night and my fiance was trying to wake me up because the thunder scares her.  

  This is one of 2 or 3 dreams I've had lately where in which I have a panic attack or something of the nature..  I've never dreamt of it.  It's weird.  Does it mean I'm getting better or worse? 

Published in Diary
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