Monday, 29 December 2014 12:26

Anxiety Story Secondary School

i then went onto secondary school , which i was very anxious about which it is for any child , who is starting big school , but for people with anxiety disorders its alot worst. 

 Has i had moved house , i was told that i would have to get a coach to school , which added to the anxiety even more,  i would be going out of my hometown to get to school , i remember standing at the bus stop and dreading having to get on the coach but i wasnt to bad has i made a friend while standing at the bus stop which made me feel so much better , and we were both nervous and in the same boat so i didnt feel completely alone . after a few months of being there i lefted that school has i started bunking & not wanting to go , i didnt enjoy the whole travelling experience it wasnt for me , so i then went to a local school thinking that it might be the solution , it was okay for a while , but i then starting bunking school again , it was literally around the corner from me , so i could walk it,  but for some reason i was terrified of walking to and from school on my own, leaving the front door was so hard , even meeting a friend was difficult, i remember my mum telling my friend to go on without me, has i was just to scared to get up and go, i froze i didnt want to move , i remember just laying in my room crying and scared cause i didnt want to go school . it soon became obvious to the school , that something wasnt right , i remember being called to the headmasters room for a meeting with my mum , i just sat there crying and scared and there were asking me questions and i couldnt answer them , like why i didnt want to go to school? but i didnt know myself , i had no reason to not want to go, i just didnt know why i was, the way i was.

& before i know it the anxiety was getting worst and the only time i felt better, was when i was at home away from everyone. so thats what i did i locked myself every from everyone , so i didnt have to deal with the anxiety, it was like the only way i felt i knew how to deal with it at the time,  i was then admitted to child mental health to see a therapist, i was there til i was 16 or 17 , i was doing so well i was going out , making friends , and doing what i loved i was living my life i managed my prom i was so happy and then it all went down hill , when i lefted school ,  i was 16 at the time and i relapsed really badly , just out of the blue, has all the support i was getting from the school stopped and my mental health support & my support from connexions also stopped not long after  , has i had hit that age where i was no longer a child, i had to be referred to adult mental health, for more therapy and to yet be dianosged , but in the mean time things were really bad , i started to pushing friends and family away , everyone who cared for me & loved me i pushed away no one didnt anything horrible to me. it was me i was going through this really bad time and everything started to fall apart , i was feeling every emotion you could think off  , and none of my friends could understand why i was doing this , has i never said anything to my friends about my struggle with my mental health, i kepted it a secret , so i was completely on my own at this point , and i stopped leaving the house , all i would do is sleep and cry.  

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Monday, 29 December 2014 12:23

How My Anxiety Started

It started in playgroup , i had seperation anxiety which i have done research on , through youtube videos & reading up on it now and it matched talking it through to therapist etc, it all sounded alot like me and what i went through , i feels so nice to be able to put a name to something that has i caused me so much upset. 

 It started on the way to playgroup and the anxiety got worst the closer i got to the gates, and when i got in to the playgroup i had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety , and bad thoughts in my head that something horrible was gonna happen to my mum, if i was parted from her. i would cry and kick the teachers, cause i didnt want to leave my mum , and this went on all through nursery and primary school , i just didnt want to go to school , my mum was getting upset & angry, becuase she didnt know then what was wrong , or why i was like this, she didnt know how to deal with it,she didnt understand like when she took me to the park why i wouldnt go and play with the other kids , or go on the climbing frames on my own , and the fact that i was the only kid in the park that was sitting on the bench with her mum, scared that if i go and play that my mum might disappear.  Has i grew up the anxiety was there but it was better then it was , but it wasnt gone completely i had my bad days & good days , i know this will sound stupid but its little things, like if i didnt have a teacher i knew and it was a supply teacher , which was a man and i wouldnt want to go to school cause i was scared, it was the unknown it wasnt the teacher that i usually have, and i remember one teacher saying to me , ”dont be scared just think of him in a dress”’ to try and make me laugh and feel better. i had nothing to be scared about , but it was very scary to me at the time and i just got worked up over changes and stuff like swimming lessons with the school , it wasnt my usual routine therefore i would be more anxious knowing that something new is happening. i never did complete my swimming lessons , my Grandad took over and taught me to swimming instead. :) 

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Social anxiety has many symptoms ,most of them are mentioned here

i am sufferrring from social anxiety and i am 28 years old. it seems this problem has been with me since childhood.

Due to this problem i feared going to college campus recruitment process, other social activities.i always felt isolated in social situations.worked for 3+ years in one company and had to leave that job due to mainly this problem and i could not cope with surrounding people in my job.Then it was about 2 years i did not worked in any company and was jobless for about 1.5 years and all those days of that time i spent mostly at home(alone).

During last 6 years i tried many solutions for getting rid of this destruction like

1) , which is making many people life better but did not worked for me.

2)Worked with psychologist and taken many kinds of medications.(but did not worked,  infact i started to feel headache after stopping those medications)

3)Followed 12 steps mentioned in

4)Read book( and followed solutions mentioned in it

5)Did some yoga not for many days (helpful but not able to solve this problem)

6)Also started spiritual healing and studied about god( it seems to be best solution , felt very good and satisfied with life but have to say this anxiety has not left me)

Above mentioned solutions worked to some extend but anxiety always come in social situations and that pain or panic has not left me.

But after this i tried and also worked in company for last six months but did not felt comfortable and has taken leave from that job.

But yesterday one thought comes to my mind that it is very difficult or almost impossible to get rid of this anxiety but also another thought came that i found very helpful ,life saving and peace making.

In that thought basically one word is enough to cope with this anixiety and that word is "ACCEPT".

In brief accept means accept any kind of situation

because one needs to thing less about panic and has to accept the truth

because if one is missing or not capable of doing certain things then he has to accept with respect to those things he can't do.

For example man with broken arm just can't do things which other man can do.For sake of his  happiness he needs to relax and  ACCEPT that reality and then he can think of doing other important things and be happy that should be a bigger picture to look forward to.

it think it will really help if you can visualize above example whenever anxiety panic occurs.

i want to say more about this magic word but for now this is it.

Another important thing is that i started to think Social Anxiety as blessings rather then curse/pain.There are many reasons for it like

1)we social anxious people are better judging any danger and avoid dangerous situations that can realy harm.

2)we are thinking perfect whether in our work or any other situation, this is very good if can just relax and happy of what ever thing we are doing in out lives.

3)we should know that most of nerds are also social anixies to some extent so we have some quality that is making our different in what ever things we do in life.

4)I can say that we realy are bright minds.
6)Things are getting better for us as most of work is becoming online and easier to do.

7)At last we need to realize that there is some thing different in us, we just needs to be positve and realize our full potential.

So, i am realy exited about Social Anxiety and god will always help because we have not done any thing wrong in life.

At last , we just need to relax and let go(let god take care of this) about this temporary panic moment.

And i am really happy that i am not alone , there is huge number of people which are social anxious.


Published in Diary