Monday, 04 May 2015 15:11

Recent dreams

  Recenty I've began having dreams, about having panic attacks.  Dreams where I do something that usually brings on a panic attack, but in the dream I don't remember until right after I've done it.  Like drinking an energy drink or coffee.  In one dream last night I drank two amp energy drinks, and knew immediately that I made a mistake.  Seconds later in the dream I could feel my stomach spasms, and my heart rate was going up.  But I was totally aware at the same time that it was a dream.  

 

  I pass out in the dream I think, and wake up in a room on a heart monitor.  It's not a hospital, it's like an abandoned house someone hoarded things in, and they had a heart monitor lying around.  There are stuffed animals all around the room, and the bed is up on shelves a couple feet of the ground.  There's one particular shelf with a curtain over it, where some stuffed animals that apparently could talk slept or lived.  It was like their little cubby.  

  Anyways, my fiance's dad shows up and suddenly she's there as well.  He says we have to go, and I mention the heart monitor, and he says we should take it with us.  So I start taking it and packing it up in a way that we can carry it to the vehicle that is parked a long ways away, and the stuffed animals get really mad or something and from there the game sort of turns into a video game.  I have some bubble looking health bar, and they start throwing things and shooting things at me and it all hits me but I don't die, my health bar just goes down a bit.  We run and run, and right about the time we're getting in the car in some parking garage, I wake up.  

 

  I woke up from the dream however because it had began to thunder very heavily last night and my fiance was trying to wake me up because the thunder scares her.  

  This is one of 2 or 3 dreams I've had lately where in which I have a panic attack or something of the nature..  I've never dreamt of it.  It's weird.  Does it mean I'm getting better or worse? 

Published in Diary
Friday, 27 February 2015 07:30

Too much

So basically,  this is all too much. I dont know what to do with myself. I feel shakey, disorientated and sick to my stomach so much of the time. I'm far away from home, in a place that is loud and intrusive. When people incade my space, I want to scream. Worst of all, im terrified of being discovered.  Nobody here knows that what im dealing with is a diagnosis and im terrified of snapping and being exposed as an anxiety sufferer and being misunderstood. I have all these fears and siclly feelings that I deal with every day and I dont know what to do. Help. Im terrified that ill snap and that I'll do something incredibly stupid and ruin my life while I'm over here. I feel that I have come close. I have annoyed and overwhelmed others with my emotions. I'm really scared now that I may blow it completely.

Published in Diary
Friday, 27 February 2015 07:30

Too much

So basically,  this is all too much. I dont know what to do with myself. I feel shakey, disorientated and sick to my stomach so much of the time. I'm far away from home, in a place that is loud and intrusive. When people incade my space, I want to scream. Worst of all, im terrified of being discovered.  Nobody here knows that what im dealing with is a diagnosis and im terrified of snapping and being exposed as an anxiety sufferer and being misunderstood. I have all these fears and siclly feelings that I deal with every day and I dont know what to do. Help. Im terrified that ill snap and that I'll do something incredibly stupid and ruin my life while I'm over here. I feel that I have come close. I have annoyed and overwhelmed others with my emotions. I'm really scared now that I may blow it completely.

Published in Diary
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