Friday, 04 October 2013 05:31

Week 10

As many of you know, I am currently in an intensive group therapy program. Its five days a week Monday-Friday. Tomorrow is the final day of my 10th week. I have come such a long way over the past 10 weeks. During my intake interview for this program I was challenged to set 3 goals. One of the biggest ones for me was opening up to people in order to et them support me. From day 1 I have been completely open with the people in this group. I guess it also helps since I'm there for a reason. In about week 2 or 3, I was doing some anxiety research online and stumbled across this website here.


At first I thought it might be awkward since I didn't know anyone else on here. I thought it would be like facebook where u may have over 500 "friends" but only comment on maybe 3 people's things. I didn't really know if I would stay on here or if it was just a one time thing. The next day, I was reading my email and I had a bunch of notifications from this site saying that people were commenting on my posts, adding me as a friend and messaging me. It was an awesome feeling. I noticed very quickly that it is socially acceptable for anyone to comment on other people's posts here.

A few weeks later, I saw someone post a link for tiny chat. I tried logging in a few times and nobody else was ever online. Fast forward to today and I have a pretty good idea as to when I can expect people to be online.

A lot of people in my therapy group feel anxious after the group and on weekends. I don't have to worry about that because I can come here to a whole other group.
A lot of people feel very nervous when they get past the 6 week mark in the program since they are working on transitioning out and it can be uncertain (also we can't have any communication with any of the others until we have both completed the program). I am ecited about finishing. I had 2 awesome people graduated when I was in week 5 and I haven't been able to see them since. I am looking forward to seeing them. Also I have my ASN people to rely on.

Week 11/12 next week. Time to start getting my life back on track. I'm totally ready for the next 2 weeks :)

Published in Diary
Wednesday, 18 September 2013 04:49

A Scary Thought

Today in therapy, I ended up re-sharing somthing because one of the therapists was away the day that I shared it. She pointed out how every time I talk I sit extremely still and it does not look natural. I explained that  that is the result of many years of training myself not to move. I did this because my hands and feet were always moving as a kid. My mom always told me it was a bad habbit that I needed to fix because starting bad habits at a young age would lead to bad habbits as an adult. When I was around 9 I was still moving too mcuh, so I was taken to many doctors to see what kind of disease or disability I had. Years later, I was told that I had a very minor neurological movement disorder, but nothing was serious and about it and it really didn't make any difference in mine or anyone else's life. After that, my mom was pretty satisfied that there was a somewhat diagnosis and I just moved on with life.


It really doesn't seem like a huge life event to me so I don't really think about it much. I was telling the psychiatrist in my group about it and right away he says "the reason you weren't getting anywhere with medical docotrs is beause that isn't a disease or disability. That's a very common way that children show anxiety". That totally makes a lot of sense. It's a scary thought that I could have possibly had surgery, taken drugs, or who knows what else for something I didn't have. I am very thankful that the doctor's back in the day basically gave a "we couldn't think of anythng else" diagnosis and left it at that. Imagine how much worse things could have been if they had tried to go on treating me for something serious when there's nothing there.


It also feels pretty good to know that I did not have a bad habbit, or anything else that I was told I had. Its also comforting to know that this is yet another aspect of my life that is going to get better as I get more control over my anxiety.

 

Published in Diary

As of yesterday I am halfway through my group therapy. we meet with one of the facillatators at teh 6 week mark. I had my meeting yesterday. Apparently all of the facillitators have said that I am doing great. I agree with them. I feel amazing and I'm much happier. I have learned so many new things and I know the next 6 weeks will be just as full.  I have started job hunting again. Had a few interesting positions that I applied for this week. I am also meeting with a case manager who is helping me with job searching. He signed me up for 2 workshops next week.


I finally have a doctor's note for my boss. I am really thinking of just asking for my regular hours back because I don't plan on staying in this job for long and my current hours feel like a waste of time. I can't plan naything on days where I have to work because I'm supposed to just play it by ear. That would be great if I had nothing to do but work, but I'm in therapy Monday-Friday and work Saturday and Sunday so my free time is very limited and it would be nice to do something with the small amount of time that I do get. Hopefully the doctor's not will make my boss take me seriously.

On another note, I am currently complaning about my boss through 3 different agencies. The first one says If I wait 13 weeks, I will be paid for all the hours I would have worked which would be awesome. The second one I called yesterday and the guy was kind of rude to me. I did not like the way he spoke to me at all. The third one has said nothing which is very odd. That reminds me i need to fax some stuff to the rude guy so I will cut this off here so I can do it before I forget.

Published in Diary
Page 1 of 5