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Sunday, 30 November 2014 15:28

This is life

 It all started eighteen years ago and life has not been the same since.  I was diagnosed with my first case of hyperparathyroidism which was actually a relief considering it took me nine months to figure something was actually wrong with me.  I went to several doctors and at least five different specialist and they all said it was stress and it was life.  They were all wrong, not their fault but they seemed it was better to label it as something instead of not knowing.  After more test they confirmed the tumor and removed it.  It was a quick surgery and I was out of the hospital in two days.  The main problem besides the tumor was the extreme intense anxiety attacks I have been having.  I never knew something like that was possible.  That feeling was so powerful and I never felt that scared and helpless.  

The doctors told me that I didn't need medicine and I would slowely go back to feeling myself.  It took about 2 years from the time of my first panic attack to get to my surgery.  After surgery it was slow but I slowely started to feel a little better.  It just about ruined my baseball career and almost my drumming career.  The one thing about playing in a band was I could drink during shows which would completly eliminate any panic.  Which of course can be problem down the road which it eventually did.  After another eight years I started to feel the anxiety getting stronger once again, except this time I was living out in California.  So know I have a whole new set of doctors telling me I'm just a little crazy.

 Even after telling them about my first tumor and getting my blood work back they still blew me off and put me on xanax.  Good old california,  just take a pill or smoke something to take the edge off.  My calcium was once again high just like the first time and I knew this was not good.  So I tried the xanax and it actually worked pretty well most of the time.  Anyway I went back home to the east coast and decided to check in with my old doctor and he checked my blood and he knew with in days that I had another tumor on the same side of my thyroid.

 I was now thirty years old and started to think this was going to happen every ten years until I ran out of parathyroids or died.  The surgery was quick again and I recovered even faster this time.  The problem still remained with the anxiety attacks, even though drinking and xanax could pretty much get me through any situation.  Was not happy that I had to now live this way.  Since then I still use xanax as a clutch in my life but I don't abuse it.  I quit drinking, run 3-5 miles almost everyday and eat pretty healthy.  I have also reached out to a few therapist and they said that unfortunately the hyperparathyroidism open up a doorway in my mind that has caused my anxiety attacks.

 So I have been taught different breathing and working on meditating but still looking to get a better grip on my anxiety.  I guess that's why I'm here, to seek advice, and hopefully able to help any other people out there with this problem.  



Published in Anxiety General Blog

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