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kitkat16

kitkat16

Wednesday, 06 March 2013 02:14

Help.

ugh. 

 

I want to start being active and healthy, but there's two problems....

1) It's really hard for me to change a daily schedule. Don't get me wrong, I love change, but when it comes to changing how I go about my day? Lord Jesus that will take a while for me to get used to. Right now, I currently don't eat breakfast and eat lunch late afternoon (3-ish) and have a lot of junk food and stuff.. It's gonna be hard for me to change that due to my OCD-ness.

2)  I'm extremely irritable and lazy when it comes to working out. I have a lot of problems with my knees so walking and running isn't easy for me. Plus, I would only be able to work out at night due to the fact I'm too embarrassed to go out for a walk/jog in the day. 

 

I don't know. 

Sunday, 03 March 2013 04:56

Totally alone.

I have a few that live far from me, but I do not visit them often due to the fact they live across the country. 

Here though I do not have any friends left. For some odd reason they've all just abandoned me. I don't mean to sound whiny, but that's the truth. 

So people tell me "well just go make some new one's!", but it's not that easy. Plus, I like being alone, or at least I tell myself that. Is it weird that in a way I don't want to get better? This is all I've ever known and I'm comfortable with that. I just get tired of sitting around at home having anxiety attacks because of the fact I think too much. Ugh I'm being lame. 

okay. 

sorry. 

rant over. 

 

Saturday, 02 March 2013 20:31

Flaws Galore.

Okay, 

So we all know the term 'Nobody's perfect', yet we find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to others. 

Perhaps it's just how society has been and will always be, but if we work at gaining self-confidence, maybe we can cut the 'constantly' to a mere 'occasionally'.

 What I have learned is this, the best way to conquer your flaws is to flaunt them. Yeah, that sounds a bit weird most likely, but your true friends and loved one's won't even mind! So let's say you're someone who is really self-conscious their teeth... they aren't perfectly straight, sure as hell aren't white, so you rarely ever smile, and when you do you clasp your hand over your mouth. Stop doing that. Yes, that is obviously a lot easier said than done, but as I said before, no one really cares. They may think it's a bit odd, but who are they to judge? Everyone suffers from flaws and therefore, they are not in the place to judge you. 

Also, know that you're not alone in your flaw. There are probably people out there who are just like you! There's a poem by Shel Silverstein called 'Masks' and if you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest you do! Also, if you have time, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann is a great poem to live by. 

So what are your flaws? Maybe you'll find someone just like you on here! 

 

Saturday, 02 March 2013 15:04

Mental hospitals...

Okay, 

So back in October I had a really, really bad panic attack. 

I had ended up overdosing on ibuprofen. Honestly, I don't know if it was a suicide attempt or not. I wasn't in control, I know that much, because my panic took over my entire body and thought process. It was terrifying. I ended up calling 911 myself, because I didn't really know if I was dying (I was). 

Anyway, I had to stay in a psychiatric hospital after I left the regular medical hospital, and it was the worst experience ever.  Not only did I feel so out of place due to the fact there was a lot of people in there who had it worse than me, but no matter how you ended up there, people looked at you like you were crazy. And that's actually a PTSD trigger for me. 

okay so blah blah blah.. I ended up leaving the inpatient after a week or so and had reached the state of nirvana once I was in outpatient. That lasted a week. 

Now, only a few months later, I am back in the same exact place. My PTSD symptoms have subsided, but it's still something I struggle with. 

Plus, maybe this is my unpopular opinion, but I hate physiologist's.  All they want to do is pump my blood stream with drugs and it's such a god damn pain in the ass. 

 

Sorry for this rant. 

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