back at home with the parents for support, my dad doesn't want to accept that theres a problem as if my disorder is some sort of phase. yet in a way im confronting the problem as this is where my anxiety all started thats not a medical evaluation just whats rumbling around upstairs. still waiting on first psychiatrict session with the docs but im feeling slightly stable today after getting everything off my chest, so far so good. i'm still waiting on the overprotective defense mechanism to realise that im sat comfortably and not on edge and revert to my anxious state, like the nightwatchmen has had a powernap and is then startled awake.
I find it strange that people talk around about you being fine and yet won't talk to you about how you feel. Feeling like some odd sideshow freak, we believe you and then every conversation involving there belief in you contains double negatives.. as if i'm so illiterate that i won't understand the context. We just want to help, well you figure out between yourselves how i should help myself and then get back to me. It seems that i can talk to them individually and yet when we group together they seem to know about my condition as if i were a child and had stubbed my toe, so just get over it. Well i've never been more visible and yet so transparent at the same time.
But i have to start thinking positively so im going to read some inspirational stories, jokes and advice, still on my own but thats how i'll have to cope with whats going on with me
then confronted family with my problem only to feel set upon and attacked. feel ten times worst then yesterday.
Today will be my first visit to the doctors to see how they evaluate my anxiety, anxious about my anxiety... great fun.
After a long talk, come to find my anxiety is down to p.t.s.d that i had overcome without realising the effect it has had on me.