My meds are starting to lose their effectiveness. which is really worrying me. I'm not sure what the future holds. I want to know if this trend continues then what am I going to do? if I just up my dose then wont I need to up it again then again untill I'm at the max and then what? I either go off completely and try to take controle or I try another Medication that will probably come with someside effects or that wont work either. I guess I've had it good for 4 years, maybe it's time to take the bandaid off and see if what I have learnt will do the job (Scary thought!).
I just keep thinking of my kids and how this will effect them, I want to be the best mother that I can be, and when dealing with anxiety (from past behaviour) it seems unlikely with out meds. up untill a month ago I've been taking 10mg off Ciprilex and that has worked fairly well, I could get on with life and deal with stress in a more healthy way. but early may I had to up it after have anxiety and panic attacks, to 15mg and then I felt fine going for walks with my kiddies taking them to the park and having the energy to take care of my house. So now again I've been feeling my anxiety starting to creep up on me. So I'm feeling frustrated and upset and worried. I'm also pissed off at my anxiety I just want to kick it's ass! errrr
My hope is that I will be able to go off meds and be able to have a life worth living. A life worth living would be to me: being able to go see a movie, or going on a trip, or going to the summer fair, or going for a walk to the park all with out having a panic attack. Also to have the energy to take good care of my kids and clean my house.
Needless to say my hubby's Fathers day wasn't the greatest, I deffinately wish I could have done something special.
Still the same today wondering if I will soon see my enime. It doesn't help that I'm sick with a chest cold, Cough cough*. I'm trying out this new website/method called superbetter. I appreciate the method they use, it's somewhat familiar to me from some theripy I've had and when used in a gaming method I feel more motivated to work on my self.