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Tuesday, 04 February 2014 13:52

It is getting ridiculous

I am sure now someone has a voodoo doll of me and is causing accidents around the house as if I needed that button thing old people use.  I may actually need that thing (just turned 43.)  Approx 2 weeks ago, I fell from being tripped by accident by one of my cats.  I fell like a ton of bricks. I think I got worsened carpal tunnel and ligament injuries.  Then I fell off of a chair onto my already previously injured tailbone.  Then I fell face first onto my bed, out of control, snapped my neck, which has just been healing from a fusion of my c5-c6.  Then, same day, still in pain in my neck-I get  some bs legal threats from some stupid bitch who claimed to be following god.  Cause Jesus would definately file harrassment charges against someone who gave you a free cat under the conditions you keep in touch with me and show photos.  WITH ALL MEDICAL CARE DONE.  Yeah, just what Jesus would do.

So, now I am full of anxiety cause a process server is going to jump  out of a bush somewhere and I have to go to court-no time for this.  I am in the process of moving.  I am disabled.  I may have to start suing people.  I have no time no money for this.  Why do I let people get to me?  Why does my chest tighten up and my stomach hurt?

I am going to die if I live this way.

PS Someone attacked my car.  Not sure with what.  Deep scratches very very deep holes into bumper.  I told my neighbor to warn him of possible problems.  He thinks I am accusing him, and  starts going "thermonuclear."  What have I learned?  Never to help those who don't need it.

I really think a move out of state is necessary for my sanity.  I have to wait AT LEAST 3 yrs.

Maybe  once I move, I won't leave the house.  I am starting to realize the more interactions I have with people, the more I realize just how mean, nasty, and hateful they are.  Even when I am in the middle of doing something nice, I am getting kicked in the ass by those who do nothing.

FUCK YOU RUDE CUNTS.  Kisses to the nice people.

Wednesday, 08 January 2014 04:04

Attack of the Zombie Abusers

Both my husband who I am trying to divorce and have a restraining order against, my kid's father who has spent nearly 20 years emotionally abusing me and my son, and my son, now an adult trained by his dad to not like me all came at me at once this week.  I called the cops on hubby, tried to get a harrassment injunction against abuser father of my kid (woman judge says no) and son is ignoring me.

I also get a $65 parking ticket as it took longer than I thought to be denied my order.

THANKS!  I just won't eat this week.  Dealio.

I have had nothing but chest pains and a really difficult time breathing for 2 days now since I fought with my son's POS father.  I hate him FAR more than my soon to be ex husband who has actually phycially assulted me!  That really takes a lot.  I swear if Steve, my son's father were on fire, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss to put that heinous evil psychopath out.  I would watch, and grin.


I cried my eyes out tonight, thinking about this could be the perfect time to kill myself, so I called the warm line to let them know all the horrible things going on in my life.  They fail to mention until I am sobbing midstory that they only talk for 15 minutes, and then you get to hang up, grab your gun, and wheeeee!  Hope you wrote your note first.


Saturday, 04 January 2014 07:19

Ran around all day, starving

Day sucked, kind of.  My day started with my postal guy waking me up ringing the bell while I have a note up that I am a daysleeper.  Then I tried to go back to sleep.  My alarm went off.  I was still tired, but I eventually got up.  I went to my psych appointment, I went to pick up a kitty at the humane society, one I had found in the streets.  (I already have 6 indoor cats, and am broke as can be, and am being forced from my residence soon)

It took 4 times as long as I thought.  I can't drive at night as I can't see at night.  I had no choice.  I got my kitty back here and got her all set up away from the other cats, dragged out all the stuff from petsmart I needed, gave her love (she's been gone over a week)

I hadn't eaten all day.  I was starving and had no food in the house.  I had to go shopping in the dark.  Scares the shit out of me and I always nearly kill myself and others my sight is so bad.  I finally got home, ate, gave love to kitten and other cats.  Got a nice headache approaching due to the heavy lifting I now have to do myself, literally.  (I recently had fusion surgery in my neck and have arthritis in my neck as well.)

I locked myself out of the house last night.  I had no way of getting in, as I had no money left to call a locksmith, my phone and purse was inside, etc.  So, my neighbor helped me destroy the front door to get in.  I ran out of time today to get to home depot to replace the knob/lock.  I need serious meds. AND FRIENDS TO HELP GIVE LOVE TO ALL THESE CATS.  It is stressing me out.  I really feel hatred for my family and friends when I think about my health problems and how not one of them give a shit enough to help me.

When I had my major surgery, only one person bothered to visit, and I was asleep in the hospital when they came, they didn't stay long enough for me to wake up.  My own son didn't come.  No one came to see me, cook for me, help me in any way.  MY abusive ex helped me, but he is what causes my stress so I can't stay with him.  Imagine having such people in your life that won't help you, that you stay with an abuser longer than you would have so you aren't all alone?


Friday, 03 January 2014 07:31

Slept a Ton, Ex Abuser knocked...

but I didn't answer.  He won't give up thinking he will win me back.  I won't.  He fucked up my mind.  He headbutted me in my forehead.  He held me down against my will, wouldn't let me leave.  I need a divorce, yesterday.  I told him if he doesn't stop showing up here, I will call the police (I already have a restraining order against him)

I was feeling ok, now I have chest pains.  

Thursday, 02 January 2014 07:36

Slept A Ton Today

I was awoken at 1 ish by a call from my mom.  I was out of it.  I offered to call her back on the computer.  By the time I did, her stupid dog ran head first into her glass door to the outside.  I called her back again later, she wanted to fight with her psuedo-hubby.  So didn't hear from her.  As it was the first everything was closed, so I fed and watered my cats and the ferals, and cleaned out 3 cat boxes.  I showered.  I ate.  I tried to go to the toilet, only mild success.  I unloaded the dishwasher.  I loaded the dishwasher.  I took out the garbage.  I started to watch a show.  I fell asleep (maybe around 6-7?)  I woke up around 11:30 pm.  I took my meds.  I am going to eat, and watch some more tv, go back to sleep.

Last night I posted a happy new yr on fb.  I had 3 likes.  NO RETURN COMMENTS.  I have 70+ "friends."  I think I am going to stop going on fb.  I really don't have friends on there.

My cats are driving me crazy,  and I want some peace.  I have no idea where I will be moving in Feb.  My landlord refuses to answer why they fucked up the section 8 annual inspection.  Doesn't matter.  I have to move to a one bedrrom now with 7 cats.  Good luck with that!!

Tuesday, 31 December 2013 07:48


I have currently 6 indoor cats and kittens that fight with each other.  I am taking in another.  Due to my mental illnesses, I have close to zero friends.  I have asked everyone I know to help me.  I also have about a dozen and a half more feral outdoor cats I am feeding watering, and building shelters for.  I do this because I both love cats, and because no one else will.  I have seen them put on weight since I started to feed them.

No one helps or cares.

I live on ssdi below the povery level.

No one helps or cares: THEY ALL KNOW THIS.

Their answer is take 'em to the shelter.  These people are true assholes.  Living in rich homes. with extra money.  I have started skipping meals to feed all these animals.

I won't stop.


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We are a community of people struggling with mental health issues, you are not alone!