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self-esteem

  • A Beginning Artist's Anxiety

    I’ve been struggling with my anxiety for the past 7-8 months or so, and the reason for it is rather ridiculous and stupid (at least, to me it is): I started learning how to draw around the beginning of the year. I had bought a ‘how-to’ manga drawing book and supplies, and began posting my work on an art website I frequent. I also started watching other artists I admired, in the hopes of being inspired to continue to work hard and improve myself. However, it has instead seemed to only bring my anxiety back; some of the artists I watch have a pretty large following and produce some pretty high-quality content. Rather than looking forward to seeing them post new stuff, I’m instead riddled with angst every time I open up my notifications tab, almost praying to see that they haven’t posted anything recently. When they do post new things, my anxiety triggers, and I cannot for the life of me figure out exactly why. I have a few theories, but I’m not able to pinpoint the exact reason, as every time I sit down and think about it, my mind races and I can’t keep up. This experience is coupled with feelings of hopelessness, like I’m never going to reach the level of skill that I want to be at. As a result, I find myself losing the drive to continue doing my own thing. More recently, the thought of just quitting and never drawing again has come to mind on a few occasions. I don’t want it to come to that. I want to be able to continue to practice and to learn the techniques I need to advance. But I feel like I’m at a disadvantage, like I’m running a race and I’m two-steps too slow. I’ve talked with my therapist about this, and she’s confirmed what I’ve already known for quite some time; that I just need to go at my own pace and not worry about being as good as everyone else. I try to remember this whenever I have these feelings, but a part of me just can’t help it. I’ve fallen into this bad habit of comparing myself to others, and I can’t find a way to break free from it. Has anyone else had these sort of feelings before, and if so, how do you deal with them?
  • Dealing With Narcissistic Parent

    I hate the thought of turning this into a cry for help, but I don’t know what else to do. I should mention that the title is a bit misleading; what I’m dealing with now is the result of a narcissistic parent; the parent in question is no longer a part of my life, not if I can help it. I grew up with a narcissistic parent, and without going into details, it resulted in me taking on the role as substitute spouse at an early age. As a result, I’ve become an enabler, caring more about others than myself. My opinion of myself is low, and I feel incapable of caring about my own life and how I’m worthy of doing things for myself. I’ve found myself doing a lot of things more for the attention than any personal satisfaction. I get motivation from others, but it only works briefly; in order for me to finish big projects, I almost need constant validation to keep the momentum going. Without it, it becomes all the more difficult to finish said projects. I’ve already recognized this as my parent’s narcissism coming out in me, and I desperately don’t want it to. I’ve tried things like positive affirmations and the like, but again, those only produce temporary results. Keeping up with those things and trying to care about myself is an overwhelming task for me, and I often find myself giving up early on. I’ve also recently been getting into this mood that I’d call ‘sabotage mode’; I am rendered incapable of working on any projects, and I have this burning desire to destroy all of my work and cut off all social ties. I’m not entirely certain if my lack of self-caring has something to do with it, but it’s a strong possibility. The worse part is that I feel broken, and I fear that I’m incapable of fixing myself. I so desperately don’t want to have to rely on constant validation and attention like my parent did, but I don’t even know how to start caring about myself. My therapist has recommended a couple books on dealing with these sort of issues, and I plan on getting them and trying to learn from them. But I fear it won’t be enough.
  • guilt and self-critism?

    I struggle with guilt and self-critism. Both friends and my therapist told me I'm to hard on myself. I call myself terrible names I would never call anyone else. I also have a hard time forgiving myself for really bad mistakes in the past. Sometimes I catch myself doing it, and I stand up for myself in my thoughts. I've heard that guilt and self-critism can be a part of anxiety.
  • How do I get the moderator to approve the groups I'm trying to make? I already tired to make 3

  • Should someone with social anxiety (me) go away for college?

    Hello, I just recently graduated high school a couple of days ago. At the end of middle school I had been the most comfortable I ever was compared to my feelings in 6th and 7th grade. Normally what happens is I am extremely fearful of social situations throughout the first years in a new school. My last year in a school I begin to get comfortable and dread the fact that I graduate because it means starting all over again. High school was no different. I will miss everyone single one of the graduates that graduated with me. I have worked very hard to try and end my social anxiety and fear of being judged, and part of me knows it is time to move on. I really should have made this decision about TWO months ago but I have until July 1st. Will going away to college end my social anxiety forever? I will be six hours away from home and will be dorming on campus. I will also have a roommate and money is not an issue in this case since I received a scholarship that pays for everything! Please help I am terrified of the idea of going away for college because I will be facing my social anxiety issue "head on" but maybe it could end my problem forever?
  • Will anxiety pills boost my self confidence?

    I'm only a tween but I have some pretty bad anxiety. My mom told me that there are pills to help my anxiety, but I'm wondering if that will boost my self confidence. I'm not really sure if I can really say I hate myself, but I'm upset with my appearance and I'm tired and miserable all the time, so much that I'm almost comfortable with being unhappy. In other words, is self esteem related to GAD (generalized anxiety disorder)?

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