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I get very overwhelmed when my significant other makes plans...

I get very overwhelmed when my significant other makes plans or to-do lists and I often feel like he doesn't notice that it makes me anxious. How do I share this with him, without blaming him for the anxiety it brings? He knows about my anxiety and for the most part we communicate very well but there are times where I feel like he completely disregards what I have said and then as he talks about the "plans" or whatever, I just feel the weight piling on and on. Often in the past, I felt the anxiety because when he used to make plans, he usually back out of them or they never happened, so I learned to anticipate that. But now, I never know what he intends on actually doing I guess. When I make plans, I still have anxiety but less because I feel like I have some control; Until it comes to something he does not complete. Even then, I don't let his lack of effort stress me or make me more anxious. Why is it so much more overwhelming listening to him list off things, then when I am putting things together myself, and what can I do to make it less daunting and terrifying?
Category: Advice 6 years ago
Asked 6 years ago

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I struggle with the same thing. It has actually been the downfall of nearly all my past relationships. It has been a crazy journey for me so far. And it's taken me a long time to get to the point I'm at now. I hope this answer helps. So first off, have you tried sending him any articles to read about anxiety? I'm fortunate, my partner now is very patient and understanding, which is really important for those of us with anxiety. He listens and does his best to understand, which has helped me immensely!!! Have you stressed to him how important it is to you that he listens to what you have to say? Does he do his best to understand? I've found that, unforrunately, some people just cannot handle that. And that's okay, that's their problem. But I've had to give those people up, because there was no chance the relationship could ever be a healthy one. If he's resistant, maybe it's time to do the same? Sorry if that's not the answer you wanted. If he's open to it, I feel like explaining ourselves is all we can really do. Secondly, is how we handle those situations ourselves. I can't deny, I'm a jealous, nervous girlfriend. Always have been, always will be. And that's okay! It's how you manage it that helps. A relationship where each person is too tightly knit together and doesn't have their own lives, and can't feel comfortable going out will never be healthy, and will never work. Period. So it's vital. And there is a way to accept that. It starts with trust. If there is no trust, we'll never feel comfortable. So that's essential. When we have that, we need to maintain our own lives. Something my mom told me always stuck with me. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." Meaning, don't rely on any one thing or person for your happiness. Spread it out. Don't shut out the things and people you love. When they go out, keep busy. We have to get our minds off of worry. Do what you love, always. Maintain friendships. Once I started to put my eggs in other baskets like friends, art, and photography, my world changed. It's been hard to accept that my boyfriend does things that make me a little nervous, but he has to be himself to be happy, you know? We can't chain them up, because then we're not really loving them for who they are. So, my advice is to just do your best to explain, listen, accept, and keep busy. Hope that helps at least a little!
Answered 6 years ago

mandop528, Tremble My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years, we have a beautiful home, and three children. These things I mention because we have built them together. When you have more, as a team, you can plan better together. re-evaluate your relationships. How do you complete the team. I'm very easy going, laid back and a go with the flow kind of guy and she is a "be there on time, get things done now!" type of person. This causes me stress big time. Why, because her strength is my weakness, and vice versa. The point I'm trying to make is, where you lack your partner fulfills and where they lack you fulfill. Look at your relationship as a puzzle piece that fits to complete a better picture. That's what is easy to lose sight of, in the panic. I've learned to voice what bothers me in a constructive way. Talking from a place of love. Hope this helps.
Answered 6 years ago

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