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How to help my mom understand?

Hi, So I've had social anxiety for about 6 years now. It was onset by PTSD from my father and as more things contributed to my PTSD it got worse. When I first realized I had it, I was still able to live a fairly normal life. I went to school, I hung out with my mom and step-dad, I even hung out with friends. As it got worse, I found that the easiest thing for me was being alone. I've always been very independent and loved being alone. I feel like being alone is the only time I can be myself and not worry what others are thinking and not worry when I'm going to have to speak next. I have a lot of irritability around others as well. I have mood swings from bipolar type 2. My therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD, GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), Social Anxiety, Dis-associative Personality Disorder, Eating Disorders, Suicide Ideation, and Bipolar Disorder Type 2. Knowing all this gets overwhelming at times but I feel like I handle it pretty well. Medications don't seem to help, but herbs do (I'm an herbalist which helps). My main issue is my mom. We weren't very close when I was a child. This was primarily do to the fact my father would tell me to say things to her that I assumed to be harmless casual things and was later told were evil, manipulative things that made her believe I hated her. When I was 13, she tried to move myself and her to another state and custody was revoked from her and given to my father. While I was forced to live with my father, I began self-harming, attempting suicide, and became anorexic. About a year later, my fathers violent behaviors only got worse and as a result my mother regained custody and I was able to live with her again. While living with her, we started to get close. She became my best friend and I became hers. I was about 14 at the time. To this day, we're still very close. I'm 19 now. However, she doesn't understand what goes on in my head at all. She has some similar mental health issues but whenever I have a bipolar episode or a suicidal thought or social anxiety and just want to be left alone, she never knows what to do. She thinks that I hate her and my stepdad if I need to be left alone which is often. I can't tell her if I feel suicidal anymore because she freaks out every time and becomes very mean to me because she's scared. Now I'm beginning to feel like I can't really talk to her about anything serious. I admit that I don't get along with my stepdad because we have personalities that clash. He's not very understanding, he too lashes out if anyone is having a serious problem, and we have no common interests. Whenever we talk it seems to end in an argument because he feels like he always has to be right and sometimes in order to get that feeling of being right he tries to make others feel like anything they believe or like is wrong. He also enjoys starting arguments and if someone isn't fighting with him, he'll try to pick a fight with someone else. I know I need to work on building a relationship with him, but of course my mom is my main priority. Any suggestions on how to help her understand? I've tried explaining it to her, she just doesn't seem to understand.
Category: Social Anxiety 4 years ago
anonymouskae
Asked 4 years ago

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That sounds really difficult. My situation is a little different from yours, but it's similar in that my mother really doesn't understand what I'm going through. I think she wants to be supportive, and it's difficult because she can't relate to something like my crippling anxiety. We've worked out ways of communicating so that I can get the space I need, and my mother can feel like she's being useful. For example, whenever I'm feeling irritable and anxious I'll say to her "Mom, I'm not feeling very well right now (and she knows that means I'm seriously on edge), so I'm going to decompress in my room (and she knows that means I really want to be left alone). If I can, I'll ask her to do something like "Will you help me and make sure nobody interrupts me right now" so that she feels useful. She'll probably never understand where I'm coming from, and I've had to stop trying to explain it to her. It's just too frustrating. But I did figure out how to tell her what I need without accidentally being mean or angry. It takes practice to figure out what will work for you and your mom, but I know you'll get there. Best of luck.
Answered 4 years ago

I can't really think of anything majorly helpful to say, because everything has already been said in the comment above me... except, my little input is that.. When you say "I know I need to work on building a relationship with him" something there just strikes me as wrong, you shouldn't have to "work on building a relationship with him" if, as you said, all he does is argue with everybody and start fights because he wants to fight someone and be right. If anything, your mum should take a look at the three of you and ask herself, is keeping him around worth having you get emotionally hurt by his constant arguing. Sorry if none of this is helpful, I was just saying what came to mind at the time
Matt
Answered 4 years ago
Matt

The only advice I can give you is to find a thing that makes you calm, talk to your mom with this thing by you and maybe start off with "I know I run off sometimes and stuff but it isn't because I don't like you, I do love you. But with my disorders sometimes the best thing for me is to be alone in these episodes."
fairyg0thmother
Answered 4 years ago
fairyg0thmother

Well, I'm a person that seems to never give up! So, you've had it tough... I'm thinking Zoloft.. get stable. Your psychiatrist should have recommended drugs in your case..??
Lefebvre
Answered 4 years ago
Lefebvre

You are a victim of narcissism. You're father was a narcissist and you (and most likey) so what your mother. This is a serious issue that I think is a reason most people suffer from anxiety and panic disorders.
Julzy20032000
Answered 2 years ago
Julzy20032000

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