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I am going to the doctor today and I have never had so much anxiety in my life, which triggered a depression. This has been going on for a week. I had back problems that caused me not to sleep and one night I just was fearing to sleep. Now I have thoughts of death, just thinking I have some kind of deadly illness. I also have bad thoughts (like I won't be normal, something bad is going to happen to me, or something terrible has already happened to me.) I think thoughts such as I will be hurt in the future and I think things like I was sexually abused as a child but I talk about it. And nothing comes to mind. When I have my "lucid" moments Everything I have thought when I was anxious seem so insane for me to go there. Am I the only one who has these thoughts? I don't if it comes from my fear of being sexually abused since I know many women who have dealt who rape or being abused as a child and I always feel like it will happen or it already has. Is this common? Or have I truly repressed a memory and this is why I think this. I don't always think this, its usually when I feel anxious. Whenever I have felt anxious I think about death or something abusive has happened to me or will happen. I think of having fatal illness. I feel numb lately as well. When It get bass I feel like am I really here. And I always think of the deeper mean of the world. Please help anyone.I have always been a strong person and never have I dealt with depression or serve anxiety before. It just happened this week and I am so afraid. I am feel afraid of everything. I am afraid now to have kids, or the future, or everything. I am literally living day by day. I need help. Please help.