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Abuse and aftermath ?

I have escaped an abusive childhood and now I am afraid of doing things on my own. I really want to go the cinema on my own, I have no friends or family but the primary reason is to allow myself to do things which I wasn't allowed to do and stop being afraid of what other think but I can't seem to stop thinking of how other would perceive it or if they will judge me like my parents - I have read on-line that it is weird and not normal but some say it is good because you pay for it and you can watch without interruptions. I keep thinking people are like my parents - analysing my every move and judging me. I want to discover new things and go places by myself but I can't because I don't want people to see me. How do I manage this feeling ? I am fine once I leave the house but it is having the courage and mental strength to convince myself to leave the house that is the problem and also I scratch myself if I am nervous and shy and I keep my head low but that makes me look weird and pathetic.
Category: Anxiety 5 years ago
Invisible
Asked 5 years ago

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I have had this issue as well, grew up with emotionally abusive parents and still have issues with feeling like everyone will judge me and find me wanting. I wanted to be invisible... still do sometimes even at 30 with a career and living on my own. What find helps when I want to do something like go to the movies or eat at a restaurant alone is to go early. There tends to be less people, and those who are out are older and less likely to be paying much attention to those around themselves and judging them. Theaters and restaurants are less crowded too, so if I do have an attack there are less people to witness it. Eventually it gets to be something you've done before and it's easier to take the first step. Hope that helps. :)
redshoemafia
Answered 5 years ago
redshoemafia

I just wanted to say, it's not weird to go to the movies alone. Before I was married with kids I went fairly often. This was before I had more intrusive anxiety issues, although somehow going to the movies alone is still appealing. I would agree with redshoemafia - just choose a time when the theater is not likely to be packed. I went once on a Friday night to a popular movie, and felt really awkward. Realistically, if anyone even notices us, we're barely a register on their radar, and then they go back to their own business. If panic sets in, you're in a dark place, and anyone watching the movie will be too distracted to notice what's going on with you. If you need to, you can go to the restroom until you feel better. I'm sorry you're out in the world feeling judged. I have some of that as well - from my mom, and now occasionally from my husband. With my husband I'm learning to speak up for myself. We are meant to be loved, encouraged, and lovingly disciplined by our parents, and not judged by any of the imperfect people in this world. Keep your sense of adventure - wanting to discover new things. Let it propel you to taking action (baby steps...) to become the person you'd like to be, and to emotional freedom.
kellyg530
Answered 5 years ago
kellyg530

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