TBH, I have hit rock bottom. In one week's time, my Husband kicked me out, I totaled my car (which I'd planned on sleeping in) and lost my job. The husband has "kindly" agreed to let me sleep on my couch until I find a job, get a car and a place to live. My clothes are hanging in the pantry. He speaks to me only by Facebook messenger. Every day he adds more stuff to the pile of things I'm taking with me. He is making it very obvious he doesn't want me here and is doing a great job of making me feel like crap. I'm literally on the edge. It's so overwhelming. I need a job to get a car, I need a car to get to work, I need to work to get a place to live, and all of this requires money I don't have. It's getting to the point where I can barely keep my thoughts together. I'm flighty and nervous and can't sleep. When I do sleep I have nightmares. I don't know how much longer I can hang on. I realize I "should" be grateful my husband is letting me stay here, but it's hard when he makes me feel like dirt. I feel so isolated, alone. I just want someone to pretend to care about me. My family is not very close. However, I do have one sister who I am rather close to, and her only advice it to "Give it to God". I hate that phrase. My Mom suffered for 7 years from cancer and every time it got really bad, she would say she was giving it to God as "redemptive suffering". She didn't deserve to suffer so much. Why would I believe in a spiritual body that is so cruel to the people he supposedly created and loves.
I don't know. My mind is such a mess right now. Obviously I don't have insurance or I would be at a Dr's office or Hospital right now - which wouldn't help the job/car/place to live situation, so here I am feeling stuck and desperate. Any suggestions?
2 years ago
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